Comments on: The Last Name Game, Part 2 http://www.thebrokeassbride.com/2009/08/the-last-name-game-part-2/ The antidote to a cheap wedding, The Broke-Ass Bride delivers bad-ass wedding inspiration to turn your budget wedding into a kick-ass and totally unique wedding... because its not about how much you spend, its how you spend it! Mon, 21 May 2012 07:13:04 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 By: Broke-ass Bride http://www.thebrokeassbride.com/2009/08/the-last-name-game-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-10646 Broke-ass Bride Wed, 16 Sep 2009 19:06:01 +0000 http://brokeassbride.brideshare.net/2009/08/the-last-name-game-part-2/#comment-10646 @Anonymous: Thanks for writing. I think your solution is extremely creative, but for me, I'd prefer that my children share the same last name, so it wouldn't work. Hunter's family tradition is very rich, and his parents are from a generation in which tradition is more tightly upheld. His mother's decisions for her own life are totally hers. True, I take issue with them imposing their wishes on us, but in the end I'm of the opinion that peace is the ultimate family goal. In part 3 I'll reveal my solution to the problem in terms of keeping my name prominent, which pleased everyone involved. @Anonymous: Thanks for writing. I think your solution is extremely creative, but for me, I'd prefer that my children share the same last name, so it wouldn't work. Hunter's family tradition is very rich, and his parents are from a generation in which tradition is more tightly upheld. His mother's decisions for her own life are totally hers. True, I take issue with them imposing their wishes on us, but in the end I'm of the opinion that peace is the ultimate family goal. In part 3 I'll reveal my solution to the problem in terms of keeping my name prominent, which pleased everyone involved.

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.thebrokeassbride.com/2009/08/the-last-name-game-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-10645 Anonymous Wed, 16 Sep 2009 19:00:12 +0000 http://brokeassbride.brideshare.net/2009/08/the-last-name-game-part-2/#comment-10645 Yeah, um, I'm going to step forward and poke here - I'm not big on hugging; never was. What's wrong with honoring a mother's identity as well? Although, mother's identities don't really exist at this point, having been replaced through the generations by the identity they are expected to take on in marriage. My son has my husband's last name (just happened to have a son first - could've been a daughter) and my daughter will have my last name. This way, both of our identities (although mine is sadly tied to a long patriarchal line) will be maintained. I don't understand why Hunter's mother subverted her family history to that have her husband's, thus making Steibel the "family identity" that would be lost. What about the women?! Why are we expected to step aside for our husband's family history, as if that should automatically take precedence, simple because that's the way things have always been done. For a country founded on independence and independent thinking, I continue to be disappointed by all of these women rolling over to "tradition" instead of reveling in their own identities. Yeah, um, I'm going to step forward and poke here – I'm not big on hugging; never was. What's wrong with honoring a mother's identity as well? Although, mother's identities don't really exist at this point, having been replaced through the generations by the identity they are expected to take on in marriage. My son has my husband's last name (just happened to have a son first – could've been a daughter) and my daughter will have my last name. This way, both of our identities (although mine is sadly tied to a long patriarchal line) will be maintained. I don't understand why Hunter's mother subverted her family history to that have her husband's, thus making Steibel the "family identity" that would be lost. What about the women?! Why are we expected to step aside for our husband's family history, as if that should automatically take precedence, simple because that's the way things have always been done. For a country founded on independence and independent thinking, I continue to be disappointed by all of these women rolling over to "tradition" instead of reveling in their own identities.

]]> By: Hootie http://www.thebrokeassbride.com/2009/08/the-last-name-game-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-10498 Hootie Thu, 27 Aug 2009 00:09:46 +0000 http://brokeassbride.brideshare.net/2009/08/the-last-name-game-part-2/#comment-10498 I've been married for 28 years and counting. When I kept my last name and hyphenated it with my husband's last name it was not for professional reasons. It was that I wanted to honor my deceased father. Here's someone that still makes people cry over his loss today just like it was yesterday. I only had my father's loving care until I was 11, but his strength and wisdom have carried me through many a situation (even now!) The most resistance I received for the decision at the time came from other women who did not choose to keep their maiden names in any form, my mother-in-law included. I said that perhaps their fathers were not as great as mine and more easily discarded. As time goes on, I have heard more tales about their respective fathers that tell me I was right on the money! In addition, (and I don't want you to think I'm a little troublemaker, I'm not)at the time I married I didn't know what kind of a father my beloved husband would turn out to be, but I definitely knew what kind I had. If my daughters choose to honor their father by retaining their maiden name in some fashion, that is their decision (we do think he is pretty good at being a Daddy). The children all have his surname, I am the only one with a hyphenated surname. It does help with my educational credits, half are before marriage, half are after. Follow your heart, honey. Hopefully it's a long life and it will still matter to you long after all the people who put up a fuss are dead. I've been married for 28 years and counting. When I kept my last name and hyphenated it with my husband's last name it was not for professional reasons. It was that I wanted to honor my deceased father. Here's someone that still makes people cry over his loss today just like it was yesterday. I only had my father's loving care until I was 11, but his strength and wisdom have carried me through many a situation (even now!) The most resistance I received for the decision at the time came from other women who did not choose to keep their maiden names in any form, my mother-in-law included. I said that perhaps their fathers were not as great as mine and more easily discarded. As time goes on, I have heard more tales about their respective fathers that tell me I was right on the money! In addition, (and I don't want you to think I'm a little troublemaker, I'm not)at the time I married I didn't know what kind of a father my beloved husband would turn out to be, but I definitely knew what kind I had. If my daughters choose to honor their father by retaining their maiden name in some fashion, that is their decision (we do think he is pretty good at being a Daddy). The children all have his surname, I am the only one with a hyphenated surname. It does help with my educational credits, half are before marriage, half are after. Follow your heart, honey. Hopefully it's a long life and it will still matter to you long after all the people who put up a fuss are dead.

]]> By: VeganBride.com http://www.thebrokeassbride.com/2009/08/the-last-name-game-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-10492 VeganBride.com Mon, 24 Aug 2009 16:41:59 +0000 http://brokeassbride.brideshare.net/2009/08/the-last-name-game-part-2/#comment-10492 Ahhh, I'm surprised to hear that the name change is such a big deal & causes so much emotional upheaval (as I was surprised to hear that having a reception sans the kids causes all sorts of wedding planning strife, as well). Who knew getting married could be so complicated!! <br /><br />I intend on keeping my last name, as I too have a unique & frilly sounding one, there are only girls in my family & "why not"? However I must admit I don't LOVE the lack of cohesiveness, the way it confuses everyone at church, & also not sure WHAT to do when we have kids, but?<br />I like your idea of hyphenating the names...I'm still trying to talk him into it. :) C Ahhh, I'm surprised to hear that the name change is such a big deal & causes so much emotional upheaval (as I was surprised to hear that having a reception sans the kids causes all sorts of wedding planning strife, as well). Who knew getting married could be so complicated!!

I intend on keeping my last name, as I too have a unique & frilly sounding one, there are only girls in my family & "why not"? However I must admit I don't LOVE the lack of cohesiveness, the way it confuses everyone at church, & also not sure WHAT to do when we have kids, but?
I like your idea of hyphenating the names…I'm still trying to talk him into it. :) C

]]> By: Eco Yogini http://www.thebrokeassbride.com/2009/08/the-last-name-game-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-10420 Eco Yogini Tue, 18 Aug 2009 14:32:15 +0000 http://brokeassbride.brideshare.net/2009/08/the-last-name-game-part-2/#comment-10420 wow- most definitely word for word our story. Except we told them 14 months in advance. and they are FREAKING out.<br />regardless, we are going through with it- and 14 months should be enough time for them to adjust. hopefully. wow- most definitely word for word our story. Except we told them 14 months in advance. and they are FREAKING out.
regardless, we are going through with it- and 14 months should be enough time for them to adjust. hopefully.

]]> By: the organic kitchen http://www.thebrokeassbride.com/2009/08/the-last-name-game-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-10418 the organic kitchen Tue, 18 Aug 2009 02:51:40 +0000 http://brokeassbride.brideshare.net/2009/08/the-last-name-game-part-2/#comment-10418 Hmmmm when I got married a million years ago (ok 29...) this was simply not an issue. My husband is fairly open minded but when I asked him if we were getting married today would he consider hyphenating our last names he said he would not care at all if I did but said there is 'absolutely no way' he would do it. Interesting. Maybe younger men are more open to it. <br /><br />I won't console you as I know the issue has been resolved and probably in a very happy way. I can't wait to hear the end of the story tho! Don't make us wait too long. Hmmmm when I got married a million years ago (ok 29…) this was simply not an issue. My husband is fairly open minded but when I asked him if we were getting married today would he consider hyphenating our last names he said he would not care at all if I did but said there is 'absolutely no way' he would do it. Interesting. Maybe younger men are more open to it.

I won't console you as I know the issue has been resolved and probably in a very happy way. I can't wait to hear the end of the story tho! Don't make us wait too long.

]]> By: Candice http://www.thebrokeassbride.com/2009/08/the-last-name-game-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-10416 Candice Mon, 17 Aug 2009 23:11:50 +0000 http://brokeassbride.brideshare.net/2009/08/the-last-name-game-part-2/#comment-10416 I agree that it is totally gender biased. You would never (at least, almost never) hear of a bride's parents being upset at their daughter changing her name! In fact, we are expected to drop our family identity to take another family's name? I just don't get why other people get so bent out of shape.<br /><br />My cousin went through the same thing. He and his wife decided they would both use their two last names hyphenated, and I thought it was a GREAT idea, so modern and thoughtful. And his mother hates it. Notice I say "hates" -- he still went through with it.<br /><br />I'm choosing to keep my current name after our wedding, partly for feminist/identity reasons, but also for business reasons. I'm a photographer. I have a website that is my firstandlastname.com. My name is my brand. Chaning my name would seriously disrupt that. And my fiance totally gets it, all of it. :) I agree that it is totally gender biased. You would never (at least, almost never) hear of a bride's parents being upset at their daughter changing her name! In fact, we are expected to drop our family identity to take another family's name? I just don't get why other people get so bent out of shape.

My cousin went through the same thing. He and his wife decided they would both use their two last names hyphenated, and I thought it was a GREAT idea, so modern and thoughtful. And his mother hates it. Notice I say "hates" — he still went through with it.

I'm choosing to keep my current name after our wedding, partly for feminist/identity reasons, but also for business reasons. I'm a photographer. I have a website that is my firstandlastname.com. My name is my brand. Chaning my name would seriously disrupt that. And my fiance totally gets it, all of it. :)

]]> By: surprisewedding http://www.thebrokeassbride.com/2009/08/the-last-name-game-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-10413 surprisewedding Sun, 16 Aug 2009 21:41:44 +0000 http://brokeassbride.brideshare.net/2009/08/the-last-name-game-part-2/#comment-10413 Funny that you rarely - if ever - hear of this reaction from parents of a bride. <br /><br />I wonder how Hunter's parents would feel if their daughter made the same decision. Funny that you rarely – if ever – hear of this reaction from parents of a bride.

I wonder how Hunter's parents would feel if their daughter made the same decision.

]]> By: Krista http://www.thebrokeassbride.com/2009/08/the-last-name-game-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-10412 Krista Sun, 16 Aug 2009 17:38:53 +0000 http://brokeassbride.brideshare.net/2009/08/the-last-name-game-part-2/#comment-10412 I'm sorry that your in laws misinterpreted your gesture. I know they're wonderful - you've talked about it so much. I know you must love them, because you wouldn't have considered their opinion if you didn't. But Hunter's gesture was definitely beautiful (you DID pick the right one) and your gesture to not double-hyphenate was beautiful, too (as an ode to your in-laws).<br /><br />I can't wait for the conclusion!! I'm sorry that your in laws misinterpreted your gesture. I know they're wonderful – you've talked about it so much. I know you must love them, because you wouldn't have considered their opinion if you didn't. But Hunter's gesture was definitely beautiful (you DID pick the right one) and your gesture to not double-hyphenate was beautiful, too (as an ode to your in-laws).

I can't wait for the conclusion!!

]]> By: Tia http://www.thebrokeassbride.com/2009/08/the-last-name-game-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-10411 Tia Sat, 15 Aug 2009 22:39:25 +0000 http://brokeassbride.brideshare.net/2009/08/the-last-name-game-part-2/#comment-10411 Thank you so Much! I am in the middle of this crucial decision myself... I planning on blogging this one soon. Thank you so Much! I am in the middle of this crucial decision myself… I planning on blogging this one soon.

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