In Case of Emergency
While writing our ceremony with our officiant/yogi/friend Billy, we’ve struggled to find a ritual that really speaks to us to take the place of what’s normally a sand ceremony, unity candle or the like. I adored the idea of planting a tree (a la Matt & Sara), but since we’re not homeowners (yet), we thought it was kind of risky to have to haul a tree around from home to home. What if it died? No bueno. We also loved Mrs. Lovebug’s wine and chocolate ritual, and we tried with all our might to find a way to work it to be more “us” – even tentatively planning on a salty/sweet ceremony, but it just didn’t feel right.
Then last night, I was catching up on the ‘Bee, and I found it. Thanks to Miss Cowboy Boot (a newer Bee who is full of great ideas), she’s letting me repost the meat of it here:
“A dear friend of mine mentioned a tradition she’d seen at a wedding she’d been to recently. She’s not getting married, nor is she really paying attention to details at weddings, but this one stuck with her for some reason. She mentioned love letters, a wooden box, two wine glasses, and a bottle of wine. It’s supposed to work something like a unity candle, or pouring grains of sand into one vessel. But when she explained it to me, I liked it more than these two options. And so did Mr. CB.
The tradition goes something like this: The couple writes love letters to each other. In their letters, they detail why they fell in love with each other and what they really, truly admire about the other person. The letters get sealed up before they are read by the person they are intended for.
(source)
The sealed letters are brought out at the end of the ceremony. They are put into a wooden box that the couple supplies. Along with their letters, they put a nice bottle of wine into the box with two glasses. Once all is in the box, the wedding party hammers nails into the box to close it.
(source)
The point of all this? If, at any point, the marriage is in serious jeopardy, the couple is to open the box, read the letters about why they fell in love with each other in the first place, and drink the wine together before making any irrational decisions.
(source)
While, some could see this as a somewhat solemn ritual and not a celebratory or joyous tradition, I see it as being realistic and somewhat romantic. It’s a metaphor for keeping the marriage based in truth and what is real. The hope is that you won’t have to open the box but, who knows, maybe on your 40th anniversary, it’s a treat.
Mr. Cowboy Boot and I were immediately drawn to this tradition. We love wine and can think of several vineyards that mean something to us. If times were tumultuous down the road, I could see those certain wine bottle labels bringing us back to more carefree days and to the things we love about each other.”
Hunter and I, too, share a love of wine and vineyards. Heck, we almost got married in one! We also backpacked Europe together early in our relationship and credit that trip for our deep, lasting partnership. Some of our favorite memories are from France and Italy, drinking chilled rose wine in sidewalk cafes to escape the murderous heat that summer.
We discussed it, and feel this is a great way to remind ourselves of the innocence and purity of our love if times get tough. We’ve watched several couples struggle recently, and I wonder if this kind of “love emergency kit” might have given them some perspective or renewed their convictions to each other. And, like CowboyBoot says, the best we can do is hope its never necessary, and toast to a far-off anniversary someday with it. Plus, I love the symbolism of the wedding party sealing it shut. It’s so moving to me.
Le sigh. I just love it.
Have you found an unique tradition to incorporate in your ceremony? Do share!
Oh thats really cool! Vert cool indeed! I plan to put our handprints in faux cement. Basically, his hands in a square section of paper mache, my hands in a square section of paper mache, and a third section with a cut out big enough for a photo (which will be of us putting our hands into the squares), with our wedding date engraved underneath the photo. Then we mount it and hang it on the wall.
Got the idea from http://www.diynetwork.com/diy/cr_scrapbooking/article/0,,diy_13776_5140952,00.html
I saw this posted somewhere the other day and have been trying to think of a way to adapt this to ourselves. I really like it. I’m thinking–no wine, but maybe add photos or momentos from some of our favorite times? A little time capsule (quite little, since I don’t want to move a big box everywhere with us) that we open in case of emergency, or hopefully not until our 50th anniversary?
I’ve been brainstorming “things” we could do during the ceremony and I like this a lot. Yay.
I like it! Super romantic and sweet idea!
RelentlessBride
I’m so in love with this idea! Dana, thank you so much for posting it!!!
We had a close couple give us a glass. The glass is supposed to be for when you’ve had a disagreement or argument. As you wind up your discussion, you fill the glass and share. The action of sitting down and sharing the drink from the same glass brings you together. Sweet, huh?
I hope this doesn’t cast a pall or anything, but the writer said “Who knows, maybe it’s a special treat for your 40th”. My parents got divorced just a few months before their 37th anny. Not one person, including me, saw it coming.
I share this to say- marriage takes love, committment and work everyday. Please don’t anyone take your love or loved one for granted after 12 years, 25 years or 37 years.
Hopefully, that box will stay sealed for you great-grandkids to pass on to their children. And if not, hopefully the love we all feel for our significant others now will carry us thru the difficult times back to the place we share now.
Peace and love!
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What a lovely post!
ccna ccent
You can purchase a completed Wooden Wedding Box from http://www.woodenweddingboxes.com. They also sell unstained boxes so couples can finish it together themselves. Check them out.
[...] always-lovely Dana from The Broke-Ass Bride and her fresh hubby, Hunter, incorporated a Box Ceremony into their wedding ceremony. To explain, I’ll borrow some text from The Wedding Bee’s [...]