‘Roid Rage and Weddings Don’t Mix.

I’m ’bout to get real on ya. A new item has popped up, on my list of concerns as I near my wedding day, and its got baggage.

About a year ago, I noticed a slight swelling in the ball of my right foot and saw a podiatrist, but he couldn’t find anything. A month or so ago I noticed it was worse, and there was a new development: a strange lumpy bit that popped up whenever I stood, right between my 2nd and 3rd toes. I went back to the doctor, got an MRI and was diagnosed with Morton’s Neuroma – an enlarged nerve, likely probably by my profound flatfootedness. It’s treatable, and not uncommon. I received a cortisone (steroid) injection, in attempt to reduce the inflammation.

I have a complicated history with the steroid family. At 19, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease that affects my eyes. Basically, my immune system decided that my eyes are foreign objects and attacks them as if they were a tumor, bacteria or a similarly undesirable interloper. The result is chronic inflammation inside my eyes – which, when untreated, causes damage and/or blindness. The most common treatment for inflammation is steroids, so for many years I used steroid drops and took steroid pills. Not “pump it up” steroids, silly. The other kind.

I’m what doctors affectionately call a “steroid responder” – meaning I’m hypersensitive to the drug and, consequently, its myriad nightmare side effects. Some of those include anxiety, mood swings, puffy face, weight gain, insomnia, depression and even forced menopause (which I experienced at 21 – yeah. hot flashes in undergrad rule). It came to a head when I was overprescribed drugs to counteract the side effects of a particularly long course of the steroids, and ended up unconscious after a numb few weeks of my life of which I now have no memory, whatsoever. My doctors starting injecting the steroids directly into my eyes instead, which kept the medicine localized, so the only side effects I have are cataracts and glaucoma (both of which I’ve had surgery for, cuz I’m clearly 80 years old). For 4 years, I also had to also take a low-dose chemotherapy pill to suppress immune system. Staying on the chemo any longer would be too hard on my body, and I couldn’t take steroids anymore, so we needed a new plan. Serendipitously, a study on a new, implantable steroid drug for my disease was just beginning. Bausch & Lomb funded 3 years of my eye care, the drug passed FDA approval, and the implants have been the most effective treatment yet. They last 3 or so years each, and when they run out, I simply get them replaced. Over the last 5 years or so, I had 7 eye surgeries. I’m bionic, yo.

Wait, wasn’t this supposed to be about my feet?

Right. So, I asked the podiatrist if I should be concerned about side effects, but he assures me that its local so I’ll be fine. Great! That night, I start feeling really nervous. And irritable. The whole weekend of my Chicago bach-shower-lette parties, I was a nervous, sensitive wreck and had trouble sleeping. I wrote it off to wedding-related nerves, although it seemed unreasonably extreme. It took me 4 days to pinpoint it as the same feelings I experienced over 6 years ago, the last time I took steroids. Then I panicked: How long would this last? Did I really have to go through this again? It was a very rough week, and its just now starting to die down a bit.

Meantime, the swelling of the ball of my foot around the nerve subsided, but the nerve itself has not. In fact, it seems bigger than ever, now that the foot around it is normal-sized again. The extra cushion that the swelling used to provide is now gone, so it hurts the nerve when I stand and walk barefoot, or wear high heels.

My mind races.
Did the podiatrist miss?
Did the ‘roids quell the swell in the tissue around the nerve, and is that why they affected my system so much?
Will I need more cortisone injections to calm the pain, and will the side effects ruin my wedding?
Will I be able to stand and dance on my wedding day next month without pain?

I’m going to see the podiatrist again in the next week, so hopefully I’ll have more answers, and therefore, less worry.

I know many of you have similar concerns or health issues, and I feel for you. In many ways, I’m grateful to my illness because it has made me a much stronger, more resilient and determined person than I ever was before. It makes me grateful for every time I clearly see Hunter’s smiling face, Paco’s wiggly tail, or the snow-capped mountains outside my house. It has taught me many lessons over these 11 years.

I wasn’t sure whether or not to share my story here, but it is a relief to get it out: Your Broke-Ass Bride is broke but also broken. Will you love me anyway?

*Yeah, this is also why I’m broke. Thanks, healthcare system :)
Dana

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20 Responses to “‘Roid Rage and Weddings Don’t Mix.”


  1. Miss Rye Bread

    I’ll still love ya! Broken, or not! ;)

    Maybe it’s a good idea to see a second doctor? Can your health insurance cover that? (if you have insurance – don’t get me wrong, I went through grad school without health insurance!)

    I know you’ve probably already thought about this, but maybe there’s some sort of shoe you can wear that will take the pressure off the toe, and put it elsewhere? something to re-position the pressure for when you’re standing?

    Even though it’s great to wear cutesy shoes on your wedding day, you’ll probably be way happier off the ‘roids. Good luck with whatever you choose!

  2. Katie

    I know how you feel being on all the meds. I’ve had juvenile rheumatoid arthritis since i was 11. and i’m on immunosupressant shots twice a week and another immunosupressant. in my lifetime i’ve had 8 cortisone injections. i’m sorry you have to go through such difficulties. i’ll keep you in my prayers, hon.

  3. elizabeth

    Holy cow, lady! What a wild ride! Having ‘roidal hormone rage on top of the wacky things that wedding planning does to the emotions is no fun at all. I had to take steroids once for an impossibly bad case of poison oak (yeah, pretty minor really) and I was a raging PMSx100 wreck. I’m so sorry that you have to go through this around the time of your wedding. One thing I have learned: meditation and yoga really help for calming the mood swings. Any possibility of incorporating these? Hang in there!

  4. Anonymous

    I had a Neuroma in my foot last year and the doctor injected it with alcohol to shrink/dehydrate the nerve and to basically kill it. It is a series of 7 shots and it did wonders by the end. The shot in the foot part isn’t pleasant, but if I can make it though it, someone who has 7 eye surgeries can do it. I also got orthodics which helped a ton too. ~ Just trying to help with some steroid alternatives.

  5. Anonymous

    You should ask your doc if he has seen any of the more recent studies on inflamed tendons and nerves. Some recent studies have shown that the steroid might not be necessary and that a mix of short last and longer lasting anesthetic might be enough. My podiatrist did this with a tendon a few weeks ago instead of doing the cortisone (I’ve got some autoimmune nastiness going on too) and it seems to have helped.

  6. Tenille

    I don’t have any health concerns, aside from my flat ass, but don’t worry – still luv you :D

  7. AmyJean

    Love you more for it! I hope you figure out your foot situation. If you are like me, i’m all over the web googling stuff and self diagnosing … it’s a good and bad thing. lol! Keep us posted!
    PS. I became a fan of your page!
    RelentlessBride

  8. Liz @ McFargan: A Midwestern Matrimony

    Broke-Ass, you’re in my prayers, girl! And your wedding WILL be wonderful because you’re there, he’s there and your friends and family love you!

  9. Darci

    Oh the things we could talk about. I was actually on steroids for my wedding day – I assure you that if that happens to be the case for you (which I hope it won’t) you will be fine. The magnitude of the day will trump the drugs.

  10. Anonymous

    MaPo says: I will decorate an SAS orthopedic shoe Magic Capet Ride style and get you down that aisle in fashion and comfort.

  11. Anonymous

    I’ve got the same foot problem and, if you’re willing to wear sneakers most of the time, there’s a painless way to help. My doctor had orthotics made for me to wear in sneakers and they fit in such a way that it spaces out the toes that irritate the nerve. They helped me a lot since surgery/injections wasn’t an option (I was only 15 when I was diagnosed). Hope all the advice and love you’ve been getting helps!

  12. Anonymous

    Ooh. I posted yesterday about this (anonymously too) but I just remembered that you are in LA. There is a FANTASTIC podiatrist in Seal Beach. His name is Dr. Richie. I think the clinic is Seal Beach Podiatry. I used to drive all the way from Pasadena to see him because he is incredible.

  13. Krista

    Oh, you poor thing. Well, maybe you’re getting the old age pain out of the way now … and you’ll have a fantastic and pain free old age? (Here’s hoping!)

  14. theparakeet

    Oh, man, I just HATE that you didn’t feel good during Fun times bridal weekend. Which by the way – we need a post :)

  15. un-bride

    Oh good god, woman — what an awful mess to have to deal with! But of course I’ll still love your broke(n) ass — silly girl.

  16. Redframe

    Love love love you little broken-ass bride and wishing you such healthy happy days from now until the wedding and beyond. I’m sure your foot dude will sort something out. Keep the faith and try to stay positive, as you always do, you’re amazing. You amaze me. I am amazed. Mwah.

  17. Anonymous
  18. Melesha

    Have you tried switching steriods. I had a bad reaction to one kind and was give another and it worked fine.

  19. BrokeAssBride

    Sure! Its uveitis and pars planitis. Thanks for the kind words!

  20. Adrienne

    Dana, would you mind sharing the name of the autoimmune disease you were diagnosed with? I commend you for being so strong in posting about it.
    xoxo

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